Hot Fun in the Summertime: Part 1--Homemade Chocolate Pudding

Well, the summer is upon us like a cat on a mouse. With global warming, I have begun to feel like I am a rotisserie chicken turning on the spit-like axis of the Earth, roasting from the fire of the sun.

The last few years, I've begun to seriously cultivate fun and flavorful cold or chilled dinner ideas that require little to no cooking. I mean, why use electricity to heat up the apartment then use more electricity to cool it down?

With the weather forecasters declaring a series of 90-degree days followed by 80-degree days (which in Brooklyn always turn into more 90-degree days), I decided to try a new cool recipe this past weekend.

So here's the first step to this week's "cool romantic dinner for two."

Part 1: Homemade Chocolate Pudding
Hell, yes! Chocolate, a hint of coffee in a perfectly cool, creamy form. And I made a whole bunch of it, which means my hubby and I can get some of this cold chocolatey homemade pudding into our bellies to cool down at any time! (Feel free to cut the recipe in half. This makes a huge amount of puddin'.)


1/2 cup organic granulated sugar
4 T. cornstarch
1/2 tsp. salt
2 organic eggs
6 oz. chopped or shaved chocolate (eating chocolate, fair trade)
4 cups organic milk
2 tsp. instant coffee granules
2 tsp. vanilla extract
My recipe is an adaptation of a classic recipe from the superb Ms. Betty Crocker!

1) In a large pot, mix the sugar, cornstarch, salt, and eggs together thoroughly.
2) Slowly whisk in the milk.
3) Whisk in the instant coffee.
4) Add the chocolate. I used about 2 oz. bittersweet, 2 oz. milk chocolate, and 2 oz. dark chocolate. If you use unsweetened chocolate, double the sugar. But I use regular eating chocolate. And I believe a blend makes the flavor deeper and more multi-faceted.
5) Cook on a low or medium heat until the mixture boils, stirring constantly. Boil for 2 minutes.
6) Whisk in the vanilla extract.
7) Take off the heat, allow to cool. Once cool, put into glasses or a container to store in the refrigerator.

Meaner, Greener, Leaner!
* This recipe needs almost no heat to cook! Hoorah!
* Just like with the pickled radishes, let the food cool on the counter before putting it in the frig.
* Homemade dessert is way better than store-bought dessert. It's organic. It's made exactly how I like it. And there's no wasteful packaging or disposable containers that have to be tossed into the landfill.

Here are more pictures from the process.

Eggs in a pot with some sugar and cornstarch, simple and gorgeous ...


Now with milk, chocolate, instant coffee. Hell, yes!

The espresso cups are ready for their pudding homage to Ms. Crocker!


When pudding gets thick and juuuust right, you can make these neat swirly lines and designs with the whisk.


Voila! With some sliced strawberries. Now me and my hubby just need some spoons. Num, num, nummmmm.

I Lost the Battle, Then Won the War: Pickled Radishes

My nemesis! My nightmare. The thing that makes me go "bluh."

I think radishes are disgusting, horrible things! They're like little red round vermin of the Earth! They grow in any garden with little encouragement. They bite your tongue with a fieriness that overtakes the flavor of other foods, in salads and slaws. But I'm a believer in eating everything from the Earth. Especially if it's in season and can be found local. So, I'm tackling my red nemesis with some brine! Bring it on, plump red demons! I plan to win this battle of the palate.


Battle #1: Pickled Radishes with Chili Peppers and Bay Leaves
I merged a few recipes into one. I went online and read several blogs, as well as the Food Network Website. Some sites said to use vinegar and sugar, with a touch of salt. Some comments said this was too sweet and to make a more formal brine with vinegar, sugar, and water (again a touch of salt). Some sites included peppercorns, bay leaves, etc.

So, as my first attempt, I tried 3/4 cup rice wine vinegar, 3/4 cup water, 4 T organic agave, 2 T kosher salt, 3 dried chili peppers, and 4 dried bay leaves.

And you know what! My nemesis won this battle--when I opened the jar to eat the pickled radishes, they smelled like butt! They tasted like nothing, with a dirty sock aroma/aftertaste.

But I would not be beaten. I tried again. I got rid of the bay leaves and went for the harder ammunition.


Battle #2: Pickled Radishes with Chili Peppers
This is the battle that won the war! The pickled radishes came out like sweet, powerful vixens! An immediate sweet flavor, followed by a great wallop of tartness, with a good crisp pickled crunch and still with a touch of their natural pepperyness.

organic radishes (a pound or about 2-3 bunches)
1 cup red wine vinegar
3/4 cup sugar
2 T kosher salt
3 dried chili peppers

1) Wash and thinly slice the radishes.
2) In a bowl, mix together the vinegar, sugar, and salt until the sugar and salt dissolve.
3) Put the slices radishes into a clean glass jar.
4) Pour the pickling brine over the sliced radishes in the jar.
5) Slide the dried chili peppers into the jar.
6) Put the cap on the jar. Then, put in the refrigerator for 24 hours.

Meaner, Greener, Leaner!
* This recipe needs no cooking. That means no electricity or gas used to create heat!! Hoorah!
* A new local, organic, seasonal food to eat! That's good for my body (no pesticides) and good for the Earth (low carbon emissions).

Here are more pictures from the process.

Starting with a nice clean bell jar ...


Freshly scrubbed evil ...


Remember how I said I hate radishes? "They all ran after the farmer's wife. She cut off their tails with a carving knife."


So as it turns out, radishes are breathtakingly beautiful. And actually very very tasty when pickled! I spent the day eating these, and I plan to eat a bunch more tomorrow!

Laughing at Sandra Lee is Cathartic and Good for the Soul

Normally I vote democrat ... but Andrew Cuomo is dating Sandra Lee?

Gack!

I'm gonna have to look over all my voting options this upcoming election.

This headline brings an especially huge evil grin to my face: Cuomo's Mom Trashes His GF Sandra Lee's Lasagna. Mama Cuomo don't like it!

Apparently Sandra's recipe uses cottage cheese instead of ricotta. I have nothing against this. Cottage cheese has more protein. It has a lot less calories and fat than if you use whole milk ricotta. But it doesn't have that much fewer calories or grams of fat if you've been using low-fat ricotta (low-fat ricotta has about 30 more calories and 3 more grams of fat per cup than 4% cottage cheese, so if you use 2 cups for a small lasagna or 6 servings, then that's a difference of 10 calories per serving).

Also, apparently, she uses canned tomato soup instead of tomato sauce. Now, that gets me peeved. Why?? Soup, sauce. It all comes in a can. So her choice isn't due to convenience. If you want condensed tomatoey goodness, use tomato paste. The only reason to use tomato soup is if you actually want less real tomato and more corn syrup in your lasagna!

But still, it's not so much about her recipe. It's more about her. What is it about her? There's really nothing wrong with her. There's actually a lot of stuff to admire. I admit: If I ever met her at a party, I'd compliment her on her success and on her appreciation and obvious love of her grandma. I bet she'd be a lot of fun to chat with. Lots of fun at a party. Nonetheless, as soon as I see her on TV, I start to giggle and squirm.

I guess it's all a matter of degree and awareness:
Degree
It's not just that she uses packaged foods. Noo! It's that she uses TONS of packaged foods, calls it healthy, serves it to kids (on her show), and comes up with atrocious egregious wasteful combinations of packaged foods in completely unnecessary ways (so many examples, but here she is cooking with baby food).
Awareness
It's not just that some of her recipes are absurd, silly, weird, and gack-a-licious. Noo! I'm cool with that. Frost ice cream to look like a baked potato! That's cool. Just at some point, I want to see a flicker of awareness of what you're selling to your audience. That you know this food probably doesn't taste great. That you know this kind of cooking is just to be silly and foolish. That's it's all just for fun.

I can stand behind fun. I can't stand behind peddling corn-syrup-chemical-preservative-crap for fun.

I guess Cuomo picked a person perfect as a running mate, oops, I mean date. They both seem like ultimate politicians. Each in their own ways. And, of course, I'm sure he loves the way she says the word "COCK-tail."

The aforementioned ice cream made to look like a baked potato

Cool, Cruel Summer: Bananarama Bread (with Butter)

Summer: beautiful and hot. I love it. Yet, when I see summer coming round the corner, I begin plotting ... I'm on the look out for cooler days on which I can still bake. I come up with a list of "What I Must Bake" before the heat hits. The list is like a survival guide. Foods I need to taste one more time between now and autumn.

Will Monday night be cool enough? Thursday evening? Please, God, give me one or two more cool days so I can bake up the last of the cool weather treats!

That is how I talk to myself throughout the spring. And this year, banana bread made it to the top of my list of things to bake on one of the last cool days of spring. YUM!

Banana Bread, with Butter
This recipe is for a super high-fiber, low-fat, and low-processed sugar banana bread that is absolutely scrumptious. I feel completely fine about slathering butter or butter substitutes onto a slice of this, ... or several slices.


2 1/2 cups unbleached organic wheat flour
1/2 cup bran flakes
1/2 cup ground flax seeds
2 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. ground cinnamon
4 T. maple syrup
1 T. molasses
3 eggs
1 T. organic vegetable oil
1 tsp. vanilla extract
5-6 smashed ripe organic bananas (about 2 cups or even more)
1 cup organic raisins
1/2 cup chopped organic walnuts
Some maple sugar if you have it!

1) In a mixing bowl, combine the flour, bran flakes, ground flax seeds, baking powder, baking soda, and cinnamon.
2) In a separate bowl, mix together the maple syrup, molasses, eggs, oil, vanilla extract, and bananas.
3) Fold the flour mixture into the wet mixture. Carefully mix. Then, add the raisins and walnuts.
4) Split the batter between two loaf pans. This will make about 2 small loaves. Be sure the loaf pans have been greased. (I use organic coconut oil. You could use organic vegetable oil or butter.)
5) This is the time to use the maple sugar if you got it! Sprinkle liberally over the top of the batter in each loaf pan.
6) Bake at 350 degrees for 30-35 minutes. At this time, check using a toothpick to see how wet the batter is. If the batter is very wet, leave in for another 10 minutes. If the batter is slightly wet, turn off the oven and leave in for another 10 minutes. And listen to Bananarama while you bake!
7) Cool the loaves for 5-10 minutes. Then unmold. Slice. Serve with fresh creamy butter! (Or butter spread!)

Meaner, Greener, Leaner!
* This recipe doesn't need much sugar--there's already so much natural sugar in the bananas and raisins. If you're watching your sugar intake, do not add the raisins (dried fruit contains a lot of fructose).
* This bread is filling and healthy--lots of fiber, vitamins from the bananas, and some protein from the nuts.
* Instead of butter (bad), use organic butter spread, like Earth Balance. It's got a ton of Omegas!
* Freeze bananas that have gone too soft instead of tossing them. On average, Americans throw away a pound of food per day per American! (NYTimes) Where does it go? Mostly into plastic garbage bags and landfills, where the food will sit in the garbage bags for billions of years. Don't do it! When a banana darkens, freeze it. Over time, you'll have enough to make this delicious bread. Take 'em out of the freezer to sit on your counter for a few hours. Cut off the ends, then squeeze the ripe defrosted bananas right out of their skins! It's fun.

Here are more pictures from the process.

Bananas from the freezer. Pretty frost on 'em! (Strangely, bananas, even with frost, look like naughty bits.)

Scrape the bowl clean ...


Almost ready for the oven ...


Don't want to forget the last thing ... super-cool maple sugar!!!


Awww! So cute. So pretty. It's like baby's first picture. Look at the perfect little raisins and pretty brown crust.



And a close up ...


Mouth salivating. Melty butter spread. Want more. Must eat now!

Late Breaking News: Kleenex Destroys the Universe

What the f^&%! Seriously, Kleenex?

Have you seen this? Scourge of the Earth. Kleenex Hand Towels.

First of all, normally I dig the CDC. But in this case, I don't care. I bet the guidelines for using paper towels or an electronic air dryer are intended for people working in hospitals and schools, but even if the CDC meant this for homes, I. just. don't. care. It's completely idiotic. Yeah, germs in the home are the real threat. Sure. Not oil spills or human trafficking or war. Hand towels, now there's something we can all be frightened of together. Hoo-rah.

Second of all, the single-use towels are made out of 100% virgin fiber. Yup, nothing recycled here. And the Kleenex company blames that on you, the consumer ("Because of the superior softness consumers expect from KLEENEX^® Brand, KLEENEX^® Brand Hand Towels are made with 100 percent virgin fiber.")

Third of all, do we really want our home bathrooms to turn into public restrooms? Do we, the American public, actually feel safer and more at ease about health and hygiene in public bathrooms? Perhaps because of the uniformity of public bathrooms ... Afterall, uniformity was supposedly a big reason why Americans grew to trust the quality of McDonald's back in the day. But public bathrooms? Gack!

Fourth of all, don't we all use our hand towels after we've washed our hands just to wipe off the little bit of generally clean water left on our hands?


I gack all over your new product, Kleenex. How's that for hygienic?